A Better Question to Ask
We often ask ourselves a heavy question when it comes to relationships:
Will this person make me happy?
I recently listened to a conversation between Matt Hussey and Oliver Burkeman, and the answer to that question surprised me — in the best way.
Oliver suggested that “Will they make me happy?” might actually be the wrong question to ask. Happiness is complex, fleeting, and influenced by so many things beyond one person. Instead, he offered a much clearer lens:
Does this person help me grow — or do they make my life smaller?
When you think about it this way, things often become easier to see.
Do you feel more yourself around them, or less?
Do you feel encouraged to explore, develop, and expand — or do you find yourself shrinking, silencing parts of who you are, or playing small?
This isn’t only a question for the beginning of a relationship. It’s a gentle check-in you can return to at any stage — dating, long-term partnership, or marriage.
Growth doesn’t always feel comfortable, but it does feel alive.
And while no relationship is perfect, the right ones tend to enlarge our lives rather than limit them.
So maybe the question isn’t whether someone can guarantee your happiness.
Maybe it’s this:
Does being with this person help me become more fully myself — or less?
Sometimes that answer tells us everything we need to know.
Idea Source:
