Forgive Yourself, So You Can Move Forward
I recently listened to a podcast by Rob Dial about forgiveness – especially self-forgiveness – and it helped me understand something that many of us quietly struggle with: the difference between guilt and shame.
Guilt is healthy and a very helpful human feeling that tells us, “I didn’t act in line with my values.”
It nudges us to reflect, adjust, and do better next time.
Shame, on the other hand, goes much deeper – and much darker.
It doesn’t say “I did something wrong,” but “I am wrong.”
Not “I lost my patience,” but “I’m a bad parent.”
And that identity-tied story is incredibly heavy to carry.
What stayed with me most was this reminder: shame breeds in the dark.
When we don’t name it, it grows quietly and convinces us we’re undeserving.
Rob shared a simple four-step way to forgive yourself:
- Name the action clearly. Say what happened – out loud if you can.
- Take responsibility for your part without excuses.
- Extract the lesson: what will you do differently next time?
- Create real closure – write it, say it, or consciously release it.
Mistakes don’t define us.
What we do after them does.
And this is where self-forgiveness becomes truly powerful.
When you take responsibility, learn the lesson, and consciously let go, you give yourself the chance to grow. You allow a new version of yourself to emerge – wiser, more aware, more compassionate.
Growth always requires release.
You can’t become who you’re meant to be while holding tightly to who you were in that moment.
Each mistake holds an invitation:
to soften, to learn, and to step forward lighter than before.
When you forgive yourself fully, you don’t excuse the past – you free your future.
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